I don’t feel hopeless, or want to die. I haven’t had a lack of interest in things I love. Everyday I find things to be thankful for. I do LOVE my life, I’m going to school finally which I have been wanting to do, My kids are healthy and happy, and for the most part my husband and I have been doing REALLY well this year, its been a very happy year for our relationship, with that being said here is a little history:
Self-medicating with pharmaceuticals (opiates and stimulants) and marijuana and alcohol and other drugs (junkhead) for almost 10 years. Sober now for a little over 1
3 years ago very close friend (like a brother to my family) died @ age 23
Last summer even closer friend (like a brother to us and uncle to our kids) got hit by lightning along with another friend and both passed away
In the last 3 years my grandfather and my husbands grandmother passed
I know this sounds silly, but my cat whom I loved dearly and was a part of the family just went missing 3 months ago, and I haven’t cried or grieved but it still hurts…
My best friend had a miscarriage that really hit me hard and I was very emotional about(last summer)
Now I find myself crying almost everyday, weather it be due to a song on the radio, a movie I watched, animal cops on animal planet, watching the news about the Holocaust going on in Gaza…
And I have obsessions of fear of infectious disease or I’ll start crying thinking about my mother and father dying, or my kids, or my husband. I haven’t developed any compulsions to deal with these fears, so I wouldn’t consider myself OCD, but I have had panic attacks.
If I were to self diagnose I would say I have symptoms of Obsession/Anxiety and PTSD, and some depression but like I said Im not hopeless I don’t want to die and I dont have any eating disorders….
I know I should talk to a doctor, and I plan to, but I was wondering if anyone would share their personal stories and ways they cope with grief, because its just piling up and getting so heavy on my shoulders